I have been meaning to sit down and tell you guys what all has been going on in our neck of the woods, but it hasn’t all been good. I have found myself struggling to find the right words and really how to get all of this across… and here I am after a week of putting it off. I never want to seem negative or be “Debbie Downer”, but like a friend said- I share so much of my life with you, and it can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. I want to be real and authentic so part of that is sharing hard things along with the good ones. I went back and forth between just talking on my stories, doing an Instagram post, but when a friend suggested writing down all of my thoughts in a blog post I felt like it may be good for me in a therapeutic way so here we go…
A lot of you know that on Tuesday, May 18 my mother in law came to stay with us because she had been feeling bad for about a week. She was having some bowel issues so my husband felt that being here was the best option so that we could look after her and make sure she didn’t get dehydrated. We took her that Friday for a CT scan that showed some diverticulitis (bowel infection) and constipation. She started antibiotics and seemed to be getting better. By that Sunday morning she was feeling worse so my husband took her back to the ER. Another CT showed that she had a bowel perforation that required surgery. She underwent one surgery, and then spent a few days sedated and on the vent in ICU while she awaited a second bowel surgery. After the second one, they were able to start weaning her off of her sedation meds and by that Friday the 28 she was able to come off the vent. I think this was the last update I gave in my stories.
Once she was able to talk without the vent, she could tell us how much pain she was in and that she just felt that it was time for her to “be with God.” Up until all of this, she had been an eighty eight year old independent of any help and lived alone. This was extremely difficult and where I had to stop giving updates because it was hard and very unexpected. By the following Thursday (June 1) she passed away peacefully.
I had never been in a position where I found myself standing over someone’s bed telling them goodbye. One of the things she told me was that she loved me first…and she one hundred percent was right. Before having kids, I wasn’t a warm and fuzzy or sentimental person, but she welcomed me into their family anyway. She loved me despite mine and my husband’s age gap. She never blinked an eye when we decided to have a vasectomy reversal, and start completely over with more kids.. and not just one.. four. I could tell the “littles” brought her so much joy, and they loved her all the way to the end. It’s been hard, but I know that she is rejoicing in heaven now with “Papa C” who she had missed everyday since he passed in November 2012. Selfishly, we would have chosen to keep her here for as long as we could, but she knew it was time.
Thank you all for your prayers and for checking in on us. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been hard to “show up” lately, and even though it’s taken me a week I wanted you to know what all has happened. Please continue to pray for our family. Her memorial services will be on June 26 so I know that will be a tough day, but we are trying not to look at it as loss, but more like a celebration of a beautiful life lived to its fullest. We will love and miss her until we see her again one day.
xoxo,
Lindsey
